Thursday, December 8, 2011

May's Having a Boy

Wow.. I have been running around all day! Let's see if I can collect myself enough to write a coherent post.


I'm 20 weeks along now so Tuesday morning I had an ultrasound to check on the baby and also to determine its sex. Now, I've been assuming this entire time that I would be having a girl. I assumed this because 1) any time I've imagined myself as a parent, I imagined myself with a girl, 2) I had dreams where I saw/talked to my future child and she was a girl, and 3) my intuition (which had never failed me) was totally pointing to a girl.


So when the ultrasound technician said "Do you see that? Right there between the legs?" and I saw what was unmistakably a penis, I felt somewhat devastated. On the one hand, I was thrilled at the cute little face and body I was seeing on the screen. On the other hand, I had so many dreams and hopes pinned on having a girl that it was like experiencing a death.

When I *finally* got home after a ridiculous mix-up that had me waiting for my prenatal appointment for 3 hours, I had myself a good bawl. Yesterday and today I've been grieving a bit for the girl I thought I'd have. But I was also talking to my boy (since he can hear now that his ears are developed) and giving him my love. It's a huge mental adjustment for me to make, but I'm actually moving through it faster than I expected. I hung out with a friend who has a baby girl today and I didn't feel jealous or upset or sad or anything.


I'm overjoyed that my baby is healthy and growing. I love the little guy. I don't know how I couldn't. I just need to realign my dreams to reality - and get over my disappointment over how much less cute clothes for boys are versus clothes for girls.

So in April, I'll be having a baby boy. (I'm still getting used to saying that.)

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9 comments:

Tony said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

You are gonna be the most awesome mom!!!

And I think you'll be able to find some cool clothes. You are very resourceful.

Byron said...

Sorry, May, Radioman's stuck in the 50's. Matt will do fine. You don't have to be a Neanderthal to be a good father.

The traditional male kills, rapes, robs & wages war. Yeah, men!!

Radioman KC said...

I"m not the one who expressed unhappiness for getting a male gendered chld. You should have adopted if you wanted to raise another feminist. Hope you offer your boy up for adoption because unless you grow up a lot very fast, you will not raise him well. Moreover, I'm not the small minded one. You are.

Byron said...

Radioman, she did not express unhappiness. She had expectations; they do not translate into regret. "I love the little guy."

You keep ignoring the fact that this child has a father. His name is Matt.

Are you really suggesting that MATT give up his son because the mother is a feminist? That's absurd!

I suggest that you think about why this upsets you; & I'm sure it has nothing to do with May, but rather your own history.

May said...

Radioman, if you think boys can't be feminists, you really are small-minded and ignorant. All being a feminist means is that you support the equality of the sexes. PERIOD. It doesn't mean having a vagina.

Also, nothing you say will ever make me give up the child I love. I am not the only person who has experienced the death of a vision and the grief it brings and I will not apologize for something that is completely natural for human beings.

Nothing you've said in regard to this post makes any sense. You need to pull your head out of your ass.

Xavier Onassis said...

Radioman - What The Fuck? Who are you to judge May on her her most intimate emotions and her ability to raise a child?

If I were a woman, and I were about to give birth to a boy, the only thing that would give me pause is the extremely small possibility that my boy could grow up to be such an ignorant, misogynist, narrow minded fuck like you.

I've seen you around long enough to know that all you really want is to start a blogger slap fight to generate hits to your own blog.

You're a fucking idiot.

What the fuck is your problem?

Bill said...

Well all, especially May,

This is Matt's dad. I have been getting quite an earful from many in KC (my hometown) about May's blog and her comments as to her disappointment. First, in the interest of framing me, let me introduce myself. I, as I said, am Matt's father. I am also and in many predictable ways, as a retired Special Forces Sergeant Major and confessed Neanderthal, a polar opposite of May. She and I, until twenty weeks ago, only had one thing in common, our love for Matthew. I love him dearly, estranged though we seem to have become over the years. (We go through life and do fucked-up things. Those things and choices cost us. Everything has a cost. Some more dear than you can pay). Those who complained to me had good reason to expect sympathy for their complaints. However, I read her blog and I was moved and touched. As a JROTC instructor, I deal with and try to recover kids every day that would be lucky to have parents that are as intelligent and loving as May and Matthew. I understand her initial disappointment. I think she has explained her emotions rather eloquently...beautifully. I was, if I may be so presumptuous, touched. I, being of my generation and my life's experiences, certainly have a certain discomfort with posting one's personal diary in such a public venue. But then it is not up to me to judge then is it? This is a blog. One must deliberately come here and deliberately read May's thoughts and feelings. Therefore, I don't understand why one would react so negatively to what is written here. The woman has merely recorded her thoughts and feelings. Let's wait until she pisses on a Crucifixion on uTube to offer some of the condemnation I have read thus far. What her writings have done is given me some insight into someone who is now a very important person in my life. I don't know her, but I intend on correcting that. Thank you May for your blog...Xavier, well said...Bill Barchers

Byron said...

Far out!

You will have a wonderful grandson, Bill. These are good, young people; very smart & joyful.

Byron Funkhouser

May said...

Thanks, Bill. Nice to have your support. :)