Monday, September 14, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me

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Woo! I'm 28! The age I decided when I was 10 was the perfect age for child-bearing. But I won't be doing any child-bearing for another couple years, now that I've definitely decided on doing so (having the perfect mate really helps). Gotta get rid of some of that student loan debt before I'm financially viable for a child. It's too bad too, because my ovaries are just aching to crank out a genius little lesbian girl. Yes, I've decided she will be a lesbian. Lol.

Anyway, birthdays of course, make me thing of birth and it used to be a downer because I'd just think about how my mom told me she didn't want me when she was preggers with me because the doctor said I was a boy (he was only half wrong). And then whatever loathing or depression she associated with me just kinda stayed attached to me even though I turned out to have a sexual innie not an outie.

And, of course, after I had my first miscarriage when I was 23, which was the single most physically and psychologically painful experience in my life, I'd think about that on all my birthdays, which, of course, wasn't happy either.

Now I just think about the future and how happily I feel loved in the present and I forgive my mom for the way she felt about me, because having experienced how much hatred and anger I could feel against a poor innocent fetus in my body, there's no way I can be mad at her anymore. And having made peace with the 3 kids I've miscarried (first time I miscarried twins, second time happened about 2 years ago now*), I can look forward to a time when I will welcome a little baby into my belly and allow her to transform my entire world into something I could never predict or anticipate.

That's the kind of thing that's swirling in Ms. May's brain on her birthday.

Yay Birth! It keeps life going!

*I have A- blood and that is probably what caused it both times since I'm supposed to have special shots while I'm preggers so my blood doesn't react to the baby's and vice versa and didn't know until the second time.

Related posts:
For Once, Happy Birthday
Depression in Children
You Want Me to Put That WHERE?!?

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3 comments:

Hyperblogal said...

Happy Birthday May!

MoxieMamaKC said...

Happy, Happy Solar Return! I hope you have a fabulous year!

Kris the Vagabond said...

Happy Birthday, May!

Your post reminded me of this song a comedian said her mom left on her answering machine. Just thought you might find this funny:

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear May, Happy birthday to you!

How old are you now? How old are you now? Better hurry up and find a husband, before your ovaries shut down!

Gotta love it!