Monday, October 27, 2008

Ben-Wa Balls Cuz Balls Aren't Just for Boys

A couple of weeks ago I went to a passion party, which is like a Tupperware party only with sex stuff instead of Tupperware. Unfortunately, it was a Midwest style passion party which meant that I had to sit through a lecture on how the female sex organ operates and how best to stimulate it. It took forever and I just wanted to stand up and say "I've licked enough pussy to know way more than you about stimulating the clitoris so just let me order my sex stuff already!" but I was polite and didn't. Instead I sat on a hard f*cking chair for four hours in order to get my long-coveted ben-wa balls.

I first heard about ben-wa balls when I was the President of the Women Today (aka Feminist) club up at Penn State Erie and took part in a safe sex rally our GLBT club put on as there was lots of back-stratching between our two groups and it was basically expected. After my part was done, I listened as another woman spoke about safe sex with toys. She mentioned ben-wa balls, briefly explained what they do and moved on. But that was all it took to cement in my mind that this was something I would one day have to try. Here's why:

So, yeah, sounds like good times, right? I thought so anyway.

Of course, my consultant tried to sell me on the larger pleasure pods, but I'd seen those in sex shops before and my vagina is way too tiny for that shit to even fit up there. Plus, they seem skeezy to me. I like the classy "classic" ben-wa balls much better.

So there I am after the long, boring, hard on my ass sex talk, excited because she says she has our stuff in the car... only to find out that most of my purchases have to be mailed. Le sigh.

A few days later the package arrived and I popped in the balls for about a half hour. I didn't know about that rocking chair shit until I went and found that video for you guys, but if I'd know I would've gone down and swung on the front porch. Heh. However, as it was I just wore them as I was hanging around the house, reading mostly. And even though I didn't move much at all, my vagina muscles were exhausted after a half hour, so I took them out again. For an entire HOUR after that, I couldn't believe how tired and sore my vag muscles were.

But after that hour, my muscles starting behaving in ways they've never behaved before. I could feel each of my muscles and tendons down there twitching and vibrating and doing the tango. I was suddenly wet and pulsating and totally in shock!... in the best possible way, of course.

For the next five hours that went on and if Matt hadn't been at work, I'd have jumped the daylights out of him. As it was, the next time we did have sex, my muscles behaved in the exact same jumpy way it had after I'd used the ben-wa balls and lets just say that the sexual experience all up in me was way more interesting that it normally is.

So what I'm trying to say is: ladies get some freaking ben-wa balls. You will never feel the same about your vagina ever again.

Related posts:
Add some MMmm! to Your Morning
News Flash: Bondage Is Normal
Body Odor an Aphrodisiac?

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Warrior Two said...

Yes Ma'am!

Anonymous said...

Try to move the Ben Boys around using your vaginal muscles. This will lead to you learning to control them when you desire.

Anonymous said...

By them I mean both your vaginal muscles and your male sex partners.