Thursday, September 11, 2008

Reaction Shots

No matter how many times people say it's what inside that counts, people are still going to judge you by your looks. It's a fact. My looks have gotten me all sorts of weird-ass reactions. These two are my least favorite:

The Male Stunned Bunny Reaction

This reaction is partially amusing, but mostly it just keeps proving to me that boys are stoopid, especially because they seem to think I can't see them doing it. I call this the "stunned bunny" reaction because boys will look at me, do a quick double-take which always involves a weird head jerk (like a startled bunny), and then simply stand there and stare until I'm gone. While this reaction may be amusing in cartoons, in RL it just comes off as total lack of self-control (and women don't find that sexy).

The Female Death Stare Reaction
This reaction isn't at all amusing. This is much simpler to explain, because it simply involves a complete stranger glaring at me with all the possible hatred she can put into her eyes. Why? Because apparently looking as I do makes them feel bad about themselves and they have to take it out on me. Every time this happens I want to grab the chick, shake her and tell her I'm not responsible for her self image. How can you instantly hate someone for simply possessing certain DNA? Especially when I'm *not* judging you for being a superficial bitch?

And here's where everyone starts hating me because there's nothing people hate more than a pretty chick who complains.

Related posts:
Your Mamma Shoulda Told Ya: Don't Treat All Women Like Hookers
My Hairdo Is Gay
Body Odor an Aphrodisiac?

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emawkc said...

I can't start hating you for being beautiful unless you post better pictures than the one that's in your profile box. If you have any Glamour Shots, that should suffice.


Xavier Onassis said...

emaw - you mean "Stepford Shots". I swear I can't tell those women apart.

Anti-fugly blurry lens filter, unnaturally uniform lighting to eliminate shadows caused by wrinkles or saggy flesh, unnecessarily Big Hair (wtf? it's 2008 not 1988!), facial spackle troweled on by a Union contractor and Tammy Faye-Baker makeup applied by Maaco robots.

Oh, and I almost forgot the finishing touch, a denim jacket draped around bare shoulders, hinting at seductive fleshiness.

Which is why whiskey tango husbands give their toothless baby factories birthday gift certificates to "Glamour Shots".

So they can show all their lunchbucket buddies how "purty" their "old lady" is.


m.v. said...

I think that since you created your looks (i.e. haircut/color, tattoos,etc) yourself you knew that reaction will follow. Maybe that reaction was part of the reason you did it. I don't know. You can't tell me that a person with weirdo/goth makeup, or a guy with train tattooed on his face, or a person with a foot-high Mohawk didn't know they will get looks and unwanted attention. Or should I say wanted attention? This doesn't necessarily apply to you since I don't know you personally, but I enjoy making generalizations.

May said...

M.V. - This has been happening way before I had hair like this or tattoos.

emawkc said...

m.v., you got a problem with my train face tattoo?

m.v. said...

Emaw, is this you? Then this must be XO.
May,I normally don't look at people beyond normal glance, but in some cases I just can't help but stare.Like with the train guy above. I just had to look with my eyes saying "WTF"?

Nuke said...

OK, I have to admit that the complainig pretty girl phenomena is annoying (as is the skinny punk whining about being "fat").

But back on topic. Meesha is correct, some people choose an out-of-norm look for attention. Others end up that way slowly, while trying to find the persona they are comfortable with.

Since this has been happening since before you changed your style I just put it down to some people being idiots.

May said...

Yeah, it's basically happened ever since I hit puberty, so I feel justified in complaining about it ONCE.