I've been sitting here for the past several hours trying to decide what to blog about. The first thing I want to talk about is Independence Day as a holiday, but then it's also the last thing I want to talk about because tomorrow is also the anniversary of my "official" first year with the perfect boy I thought I could never have. These two desires are pulling me both ways, hence the indecision.
Independence Day has been something I've dreaded ever since we went to war after 9/11. I don't support the war. I don't support the waste of resource or of life, and I don't support the direction the current administration has led the country. So when patriotism is at it's height of frenzy, I just feel like pulling down the shades on the fireworks and ignoring all of it. It's not that I hate America, but I feel heartsick to the point of nausea when I think about celebrating this country as if I still believe we're the best nation in the world.
Lucky for me, now I have a reason to. Instead of having the 4th of July be a day where I refuse to celebrate (like I do so many other holidays *cough*Valentine's day*cough*), I can instead celebrate something I do support: a healthy relationship full of freakish amounts of cuddling and mutual silliness/geekiness. If you remember something of how we got together, maybe you can understand how absolutely blessed I feel to be with this guy and how miraculous this past year has been for me. It all seems too good to be true. How could I possibly be with a guy who still makes out with me every morning before he leaves for work? A guy who regularly spends hours of time cooking dinner for me? Mind-fricken-boggling it is.
So maybe what I'm getting at here is that even if I can't celebrate the US as a whole, I'm still glad I can celebrate the parts of it that I love. And that includes this whole damn city.