Thursday, May 15, 2008

Why I'm Never Shopping at Victoria's Secret Again

Read on to find out how I know all these women have saggy boobs

Stupid Victoria's Secret. All I wanted was a nice bra that fit and didn't have any underwire... and they couldn't get that right at all.

You know how I keep yammering on about exercise and yoga and shit? Well, I've also been working out to be a lean, mean, sexy machine [login required] and over the past several weeks I've reduced the number of bras I own that "fit" me (at least good enough to work properly) from 13 to 5... and 3 of those are sports bras that I never need or want to wear. Hence, the need to visit V.S., get sized and finally be in bras that fit me again!

So, down to the closest one I go, which means down to the Plaza. I walk in and tell the chick behind the counter I want to be sized. She sluffs me off on the other girl working and we walk back to the dimly lit dressing room area. After having me hold out my arms like Jeanie, she proceeds to measure me... too lowly around the torso because she is scared of touching my tits for some reason. As if I didn't know what was involved in this process when I asked for it. Then she measures around my boobs, and told me I had lost 4 inches around my torso and a whole freaking cup size (booo).

I know I've lost a lot of weight, and I'll accept that I'm now back to a B cup but there is no way 4 inches have come off my torso. My ribs are too broad around for that - I know, I've measured myself at home. So I decide I'll try something larger probably and get ready to go wander around when she shoves a box of bras at me and says that all the styles I need are in there. She told me to try them on and then she'd get what I wanted.

So, this is my second WTF moment now. The whole fun of going to this stupid store in the first place is seeing all the pretty underwear. And now they're trying to keep me from browsing my sticking me with a box of all black bras? I decide to try them on anyway to see if I can find a style I like, though I have no intention of letting her fetch me a bra because I fucking want to pick the one I want, dammit.

I step into the dressing room and pull out the bras to look at them. Not a single one of them is without padding - which I don't need or want. My tits are perky and perfect and padding is just super uncomfortable. Second, none of them are without wire under the cup. Also something I neither need or want. Apparently, V.S. now only makes bras for saggy-boobed women - oh and when I tried them on neither the cup size or the torso band fit! My tits were popping out the back and I could barely fasten the strap. At first I thought it was just one, but it happened the same for the next two.

I gave up on the stupid box bras after that, scooted out the dressing room and into the store to browse like I wanted to do origionally. I see one bra that I would possibly wear just cuz it was so cute, but otherwise it seems that they've completely done away with the many various styles they used to have. And, unlike back in the day, absolutely nothing is without wire.

So I'm on my way out when the first chick waylays me and I tell her that I don't want anything with wire AND that the 32 doesn't fit me. She consults with bimbo #2 and they decide that a 34 A bra is exactly what I need. Now, I don't know about you, but going down another fucking cup size doesn't seem like a problem-solver to me. PLUS, V.S.'s A cup bras are always ugly and made out of t-shirt material or made to look like a sports bra, which I hate.

So Victoria's Secret, you failed on service, failed on product, and failed at keeping a customer. When did they start sucking this hard? V.S. used to be the only place I could buy a bra I liked!

Related posts:
Add some MMMmm! to Your Morning
You Want Me to Put that WHERE?!
Lene Alexandre Has Okay Boobs
How to Get a Sexy Back
Nudity for a Good Cause

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Lisa Medley said...

Your blog cracked me up. I hate wired bras too. Ancient torture devices I think...let the chips or boobs fall where they may :)

May said...

Glad you liked it :) It's the least those jerks can do to amuse us after the fact!

meesha.v said...

I have exactly the same bra problems :-). Where I come from it was OK for a woman to go bra-less if she felt like it, especially if she wore a strappy top (whatever you call it), you'd get some stares but so what. It was also OK not to shave legs or underarms. Also I want a password for lean/mean pictures. And lastly,maybe XO,Emaw and I can open a bra fitting business, we are not afraid to touch.

May said...

If you have a MySpace account you can see the picture.

Also, I'm totally okay with not shaving my armpits. They're all furry and they're staying that way.

meesha.v said...

Yeah, but would you be OK with openly wearing your armpits in public, as in on the bus were you hold the hand rail above? What you do in privacy of your own sleeves is your business :-).myspace is blocked at work.

May said...

I've gone out sleeveless plenty of times! And most of my shirts with sleeves don't even cover all the hair anyway. I'm loud and proud about it - and the funniest thing is that no one ever mentions it. Evar. Not even my coworkers who see it more than anyone (except my man).

Jenna said...

That is rather unfortunate you had a bad experience. That is the ONLY place I can find bras that fit and do so properly.

Here's hoping it was just poor sales reps and a poorly stocked store (although since it was Plaza I highly doubt that's the case).


Average Jane said...

Go to Nordstrom to get fitted. Even if you don't want to buy one of their crazy expensive bras, you'll still find out what size you should be wearing.

May said...

Jenna - I don't know. I'm not feeling big on going there again any time soon. Plus, my last favorite bra was just from a department store, so I'll just go there.

Average Jane - Yes, I will have to get me a proper fitting! I even tried looking up how to measure & calculate it myself, but the instructions made no sense. :(

Stephanie - Hi! I didn't know you read my blog :) It's nice to know I'm not the only one who can't find a good bra in their store. But, now that you mention it, I did used to buy from their catalog a lot... maybe that's why I remember them having more variety.

Anonymous said...

My commentary is limited because I am guy and not the bra wearing type but thanks for the post that reminds me of one my favorite things - boobs.

I shall end my crappy week at work doing nothing by daydreaming about boobs.